Bad Driving Mojo Part II

Corbett | May 27, 2003 1:11 AM

Continuing on with my very dao mei saga from last week, I found out that even though the scooter kid didn't have his lights on, and was the one who hit me, I was the one responsible because cars are always responsible when involving accidents with scooters.

My insurance also threatened to not pay unless I transferred my license over by the end of the month. Boy, that really put the screws on me, especially after getting the bill for the body work...

So my glamorous options were:

Door #1) FEX EX my license to a friend in NY who would then have to go to an AAA motor club office and do the International Permit boogie for me, then FEX EX me back the same day, and hopefully if everything went 100% right, I'd have one day to transfer the International Permit over.

Door #2) Fly to NYC on a SARS infested plane, and have the Taiwan non-consulate there verify that my NY license was indeed a NY license, stamp a piece of paper in Chinese to that effect, then fly back and transfer it over.

Door #3) Take the Taiwan written and road test.

Door #4) Pay a couple thousand dollars in body work for an accident that wasn't my fault.

Gosh....I'll take...hmmmm...Door #3!?

Irene insisted I take a couple of driving lessons first since she had heard that hardly anyone actually passed the driving test the first time because it was set up to keep people from passing. I wasn't too happy about wasting a day driving around a little go-kart course, but I realized once I kept running over those annoying little pressure strip alarms while I was trying to back my car out of a narrow s-turn just wide enough to fit through, that this course was just a bogus reason to keep hundreds of little driving schools in business, and well worth the bucks. "Keep your left wheel exactly one steering wheel distance from the yellow line while turning the steering wheel exactly 1.25 turns to the left until you see the second curve in your left mirror reach the 10:00 position, at which point you must straighten your wheel back .75 of a turn until your back tires reach the highest point of the curve when you must then immediately turn to the right 1.25 turns until your front wheel passes the white line..." I'm not kidding. I tried getting through just by driving normally at first, but it was impossible not to hit one of those damned buzzers. And it only takes one buzzer to have to come back a week later and do it again. I didn't have a week, so I memorized the moves like latin dance steps until I could fluidly sashay in and out, even though I will never use this amazing new skill, unless maybe someday in the future I need to back up Lombard Street in San Francisco, just to drive over a couple of Taiwanese DMV officials on vacation.

Well, after 12 years of driving illegally, I can now proudly say that I have a real Taiwan driver's license. Woo ha! So now my insurance company has to come up with another lame loophole not to pay.

You too can experience the thrill! Below are actual questions from the written exam: Please answer TRUE or FALSE.

1) If you find that your car is out of order and is not suitable for safe driving, you can still keep on driving.

2) Except for specific signs and driving signals on the freeway, one should obey general driving rules.

3) If you see an overturned car and wounded persons on the road, calling out for help, you are not obliged to help them.

4) If you are the driver of a passenger car, you should drive carefully for the sake of your passenger.

5) A taxi driver is not allowed to refuse a short-distance ride; however, he may detour as he pleases.

....and what the hell is this?

Remember, while driving, this sign would of course appear on your right side.

(1) cliff on the right side. (2) Watch for falling stones. (3) cliff on the left side.
(Hint: It isn't the one you think it is.)

Better yet, take the stupid test yourself!

Category: Mr. Asia

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