Matrix by Dr. Seuss?

Corbett | July 13, 2003 12:57 AM

This is fairly amusing...

If "The Matrix: Reloaded" had been written by Dr. Seuss

NEO: I am the One and I am free.
The Oracle is fond of me.
I need that dude who makes the key.
MEROVINGIAN: You only dream that you are free,
Look all around -- causality:
It's in the wine, it's in the steak,
It's in this chocolate cake I bake.
See yonder blonde? She sure looks fine.
One bite of cake, and she'll be mine.
Then in the restroom where we're meeting,
You can guess what she'll be eating.
So, goodbye.
NEO: But I am free,
And he is not the boss of me!
PERSEPHONE: He is a pig, she is a whore,
I've seen this scene twelve times before.
The tricks he's pulled, the lies he's said --
I'll shoot his werewolf in the head!
I'll fix him good for being sly;
I'll give you the key maker guy.
But first, a kiss to seal the deal;
Just make me feel that it's for real.
NEO: This bargain does have some appeal . . .
OK, a kiss, and now we're through.
PERSEPHONE: I'm very cute, curvaceous too,
Is that the best that you can do?
It must be true, the things they say --
The tabloid stories that you're . . .
NEO: Hey!
Let's try again, you are a hottie.
Here's a kiss that's really naughty.
(Trinity will hate this night.
She'll bring it up each time we fight.)
PERSEPHONE: Now, that was better, way to go!
I feel a tingle, head to toe.
Let's have another.
TRINITY: Back off, ho!
Or taste a bullet from my gun.
PERSEPHONE: Too bad you're with her, she's no fun.
Well, come with me, we won't get caught.
I'll let you in my secret spot:
A steamy, dark place down below,
A tunnel deep in my chateau.
MORPHEUS: Could this be symbolism?
TRINITY: No.
PERSEPHONE: Come through this door and take a peek.
This little guy is the locksmith geek.
KEYMAKER: I've got the keys to every lock.
I jingle-jangle when I walk!
NEO: And can you get me to the Source?
KEYMAKER: I have that key. Of course! Of course!
I'm on your side, just don't take me
Through airport gate security.

(First published at http://matrixessays.blogspot.com
This poem may be freely reproduced if it is unchanged
and this notice is included.)

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