He's not heavy, he's just doing business

Corbett | September 19, 2003 2:53 AM

There's something unsettling about seeing yourself change. Feeling it ooze over you like a dark shadow. I used to be fairly "light." Things didn't bother me. I didn't worry about too many things. Come what may. I was aloof, relaxed, and essentially carefree. My friends said I was unattached. One friend said I had no conscience. The past few years, since I began my own tech company, dealing with telcos, dev teams, equipment vendors, and staff, I'm turning into a "heavy." I feel like a younger version of those stiff Japanese businessmen whose faces have turned into a perpetual frown. (When have you ever seen a Japanese businessman smile?) Now too many things bother me. I worry constantly. Come what may has warped into come whatever is required to get the job done. I'm still aloof, but firmly attached, and definitely no longer carefree.

I found this out today when I picked up my saxophone to jam with some players at the Living Room. It was like being with a woman who used to mean everything to you, but now was just a cold physical object in your hands. I had to put it back down.

In jazz, every decision you make is based on the immediate challenge of getting through the changes freely while building up a cohesive melodic statement. The focus is on beauty. In business, it seems that every decision you make is based on the immediate challenge of saving your ass, forcing something to get done, avoiding a trap, and maintaining face, while building up a cohesive business model. The focus is on survival.

Almost everyone I meet thrives on this survival buzz. "I got him down to 150,000 units." "We really pounded them hard." "They're killing us this quarter." "You can't trust your working partner." "They're going to screw you." "Watch your back!" "I heard they've copied your plan."

So this is the real ecosystem of interdependent commerce? I just can't buy it. I guess I'm not quite cut out to be a full grown heavy yet. Thank God.

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Category: Ramble

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