Happy Birthday Grandpa!

Corbett | November 3, 2003 7:24 PM

Today is my Grandfather's birthday. He was born in 1894, and would have been 109 if he was still here. He stuck around until 97 though, and taught me most of the important things I needed to know to get by. Thanks Grandpa.

- Don't do things half-assed.
- Don't smoke or lie.
- Always stand up when a lady is introduced.
- Never ever rat a person out.
- Women are like street cars. If you don't catch the first one, there'll always be another coming around the corner soon.
- Don't cross a picket line.
- You can't trust a bank completely.
- Don't get married until after 30.
- When you don't know something, look it up.
- Don't act like you know something if you don't.
- You can educate yourself by going to a library and reading.
- If you have a choice between a complicated word and a simple one, use the simple one.
- Don't ever strike a woman or a child. If someone does, make sure they'll never do it again.
- Mind your own business.
- If you stick one hand on your ass, and the other out for money, guess which one will be filled first?
- If your Aunt had balls she's be your Uncle. [Don't speculate on what ifs.]
- All of history was written by the winners, not the losers.
- When the American Indian's won a battle, it was called a "tragedy."
- When General Custer won a battle, it was called a "victory."

Category: Ramble