Not exactly Spiderman

Corbett | September 1, 2004 11:10 AM

I try to sleep, but this is what happens...

It was night and I was driving a Land Rover through the city. What the hell was that? I slammed into something and careened off onto a different unfamiliar road. The road was in a section of town I hadn't been to before, and was run down, with burnt out cars littering the streets. It came out of nowhere again and spun the car around. I couldn't believe it. It was a giant 3-story tall spider. I gunned the engine, and thought I could out maneuver it. The speed finally got the best of me and I rolled my Land Rover over. A few moments later, I see the hulk of the spider looming over the car. At least I'm safe inside the car I tell myself.

Wrong. The spider slams one it's fangs through the window and sprays me with some horrible poisonous gook. I pass out...

...and awaken in a mechanized and sterile people food processing plant, guarded by armed guards. I'm paralyzed, and dangling 15 feet above the floor from a magnetic disk 12 inches round connected to my ass. It's some sci-fi horror movie come true. People are being processed like a modern meat packing plant. My hands and feet are bound with giant plastic garbage bag style closers, and I'm unable to move. I am very flexible though, and can touch my toes easily. Apparently the poison tenderized me. A long look around and I see hundreds of balls of processed people, bound, and wrapped in some sort of embryonic shrink wrap, stacked up on giant stainless steel trays. A giant modern refrigerator for a giant spider.

The guards speak. "Put him over there. Section C3-7, up there next to Annie." I am hoisted towards a section of people unwrapped, and sitting cross-legged in rows on a giant stainless steel rack. Annie turns out to be a fairly attractive woman about 30, athletic, smart, with dark hair.

She's wearing shorts and a pair of sneakers, and other than the fact that we're all about to be spider food, looks like someone from San Francisco, who can drive a stick shift VW.

They hoist me down, and one of the guards yells up at Annie. "Hey baby, can you wear cut-offs next time? I really like you in cut-offs."
"Oh fuck off," yells Annie.
The guards laugh, and I fall limply to the stainless steel shelf.

"What is this place?" I ask.
"Welcome to hell," Annie says. "We're new arrivals. Fresh meat. Unlike those guys over there." She points towards the shrinked wrapped people. You can vaguely see their features and the clothes they wear under the translucent wrap. They do not move. They look puffy.
"They keep us here until they have more space on that rack. We just sit here. I've been here for 3 months. Ralph, under us here, has been here for a year."
She bangs on the steel flooring, "Hey Ralph, we have a newbie."
"Cool. What's his name?" Ralph yells back.
"Corbett." I tell them. "I was attacked in my car, crashed it, and now am here."
"Weren't we all," sighs Annie. "I used to have a little kid and a husband. Ralph was a doctor. Now we just sit on this fucking steel plate day afer day, waiting to get eaten."

Guards come to talk to us. We are allowed to jump off and walk around. (to keep our legs and muscles taught.) Once we start to atrophy, then apparently we taste different, spoiled.

During one of our "walks," we discover an area like an abandoned school/college filled with other people's stuff. Suitcases, chairs, photo books, clothes, stereos, jewelry...

What would a spider need that for?

To keep alive we are fed some sort of energy drink in cups. I ask about the guards. The spider. No one sems to know.

Weeks go by, I realize there is some kind of pecking order within this prison. Annie is still alive because she's pretty and sometimes gives the guards blowjobs, Ralph, because he's a doctor, and helpful when there are sick people.
They haven't decided what to do with me. Until they find out I'm a musician.
Apparently there is a rehearsal hall somewhere in the complex, where a few other people practice to play music for the inmates and guards. I'm allowed to meet once a week with these looser guys in plaid shirts who constantly argue about what to play. I scream at them, "Guys, does it really matter? Let's play whatever it takes, I really don't fucking care, just as long as we don't become spider food." They seem to think this is a good idea. Unfortunately we struggle through Van Halen and Aerosmith tunes mostly.

During one of the practices, a guard turns, and I take the chance to slip away through some open doors into daylight. First daylight I've seen in months!
It's harsh and real. Smells dangerous.

I run out into a 6 story parking lot filled with exotic cars. Most of them are crunched up pretty badly, many rolled over in their gruesome encounter with the spider. All have the same fang marks through the windshield. It's creepy. I hear guards out on the street. I roam through the cars until I spot a light blue '57 Thunderbird. If I'm going to steal a car, might as well steal a classic. I hop into the car, when suddenly a creepy CIA looking spider guy in an overcoat appears in my rearview. I'm dead. I try to pop the clutch but pop the trunk by mistake, just as his giant fang dig into the gas tank. He can't get his fangs back out fast enough, so I start the ignition, and pump the petal as gas gets sucked up into his fangs. There is a huge explosion, and his head blows up as I back over him.

I careen out onto the street just as Annie and the doctor run out. I pick them up, and we speed off through the city streets.

Annie points out that there is no one on the streets. It's an abandoned city. The stop lights still work, but otherwise it's lifeless, empty.

As we drive away it dawns on me that maybe this is all a giant scam. The guards, the stacks of possessions, the expensive cars. It looks more like a big time fencing operation than.... That's it! This is all some elaborate mafia scheme to take control of an entire city. Either kill or scare the people away, then take away their belongings. Clean out the entire city. That's a lot of cash. Maybe the spider wasn't real either. Who knows. But I had to drive fast to get to the next city...

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Category: Dreams

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