Cranky Old Man
Cranky Old Man
In my heart I want to support the local bands that play at my club. I like giving them a cool stage, I like lending my experience, and I like to help them put together a better set. So I don't mind doing their sound, putting up with dumb requests, or digging up the cables they always forget to bring.
But the past two gigs pushed me to my cranky old man limit. I realize that Chinese kids (in Chinese terms, this is someone who is 18-23, but acts 13-15) only react when you yell at them and act like an asshole.
Case 1:
"Guys, you DO NOT need an hour for sound check. 20 minutes is enough time to plug in a guitar and set levels."
No, this is not a rehearsal studio. If you want to rehearse, schedule a time in advance, or go to a studio. THOSE are audience members."
"Guys, now that you've taken 90 minutes f*@$ing around, you've taken up all the time of the other 2 bands. YOU tell them why they can't get a sound check."
"Now that your gig is over, please don't continue banging around on the drums. No one appreciates hearing you practice."
"I thought I told you to stop banging around now that your gig is over."
"Hello?? Are you deaf?! Didn't I just tell you to STOP?"
"Are you going to get off those f*@$ing drums or do I have to...??
Case 2:
"What the hell are you doing?? You can't just start pulling all the cables out of the mixer!"
"How many inputs did you say you need? 12?!"
"Please just stop randomly pulling the cables and moving the equipment. You are f*@$ing driving be CRAZY!"
"I said STOP!!"
"STOP!!!"
"Ok, first, let me explain. 1) This is not your home. 2) This is a stage. 3) There will be two other bands playing immediately after you and the reason things are set up like this is so that everything works like it should, and everyone can get set up FAST. I am NOT rewiring the entire stage just for your 20 min set."
"How does it sound? You sound like an entire wash of midrange. The snare is a wash. Your loops are a wash. You guitar is a wash. Everything sounds like a messy pool of noise. Is that what you want? Are you sure?"
"Do you remember I told you before you started to MOVE YOUR STUFF out of the way to the side so the other band can get set up while you pack all your gear? You remember that right? Ok, so why are you on your knees packing up stuff in the middle of the stage, While everyone else is WAITING!!?"
**Sigh**
Comments (4 posted)
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Corbett maaaaan! You're fucking with my aaaaaart man!
Glad I don't have your job. I'd be in a straitjacket in 20 minutes.
Hi Corbett,
We met when you were playing in "Roxy I" on Hoping E. Rd. and several times since. I got here exactly 23 years ago today. It's an interesting place isn't it? Looks like you are playing with Ashley today, so I might pop by - if my baby-daughter allows, that is. :-)
Man, running your joint sounds almost exactly like running a "buxiban". Been doing that for 20 years too. But now I am off sailing again. Let's see how that goes.
Maybe see you tonite!
Cheers!
Holg
HAHAHAHA! And here I thought I had a horrible temper. HAHAHAHA! Relax. The wrinkles. Botox is expensive. Hahahaha!
You should tell them everything you DON"T want them to do before they practice, that they have 5 minutes to figure everything out and they shouldn't move stuff around. After they get it, THEN they're allowed to play.
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I've never figured out whether it's pronounced "Moe's (like owned by one of three stooges) or Moss (like that guy out of Bonanza), but the one down the hill from me is open until 2am most days, which means that if I get out of the club early enough, I can catch the best burger in town, the muo si la bao or the Spicy Mos Burger. They have lots of jalapenos and 
