School Daze

Corbett | April 25, 2009 1:45 PM

Now that most of my life is consolidated in one place after 30 years of moving around, I actually can go through this stuff and decide what I want to keep for the next 30 years, or just contribute it to the Shanghai compost pile. My office is currently a stack of boxes filled with photos, letters, and memories which haven't been opened or seen in at least 25 years. Some of this stuff dates back to the Spanish-American War (seriously), as I've become the default historian of the Wall family. I remember as a teenager sitting down with my grandfather for several weeks at a time going through these photographs (at that time strangely aware that I'd never remember these people, or that he'd pass one day and these people would be totally lost forever...) and writing down dates, locations, and names.

Back to present time: Recently Irene and I have been watching the whole boxed set of Two and a Half Men, and love the little boy, Jake, who in our current DVD is 11. It's hilarious, and a great way to wind down before going to bed. Plus, we now have a place with a big enough blank wall to use our projector, so every night is movie night at the Wall house.

And speaking of movies: Just now I found a short screenplay, something I have no recollection doing, which I apparently wrote when I was in the 4th grade, called "School Daze". I wanted to put it onto the blog for anyone who enjoys Two and a Half Men, or if in the wild chance that anyone from my class of 1977 at Lincoln Elementary every happened to find this site, they'd also have a chuckle. It's very Jake-ish in it's grade school humor, and all notes, direction, and misspelling are kept as is.

School Daze

Opening: The scene is a schoolroom. The bell rings. All the the students come in and talk. Teacher enters.

Teacher: Order, class. Order!

Stanley: I'll take a vanilla shake, a big mac, and a large order of fries.

Teacher: Oh Stanley! Now, Stanley, I'd like you to go through the whole day without having to yell at you.

Stanley: You have my permission, Miss Peters.

Teacher: Good! Now take out your Social Studies book and turn to page 104. Lori, what great event took place in 1809?

Lori: Abrahan Lincoln was born!

Teacher: Correct. Now, can anyone tell me what took place in 1812?

Larry: Lincoln had his 3rd birthday.

Teacher: Oh Larry! What does Brazil produce more than any other country?

Freddy: (Quick as a flash) Brazilians!

Teacher: Freddy! When the Eskimos trade, they use fish for money...

Dora: They must have an awful time getting gum out of a slot machine.

Teacher: They don't have slot machines, Dora. Why should we do all we can to prevent war?

Stanley: It makes too much history for us to learn.

Teacher: (Who didn't hear) Let's do some spelling. One of our spelling words for the week is grusome. Dora, five me a sentence using the word grusome.

Dora: He grusome whiskers since last year.

Teacher: (Sigh) Well Nellie, five me a sentence using the word facinate.

Nellie: Well, ummmmmm My sister broke the zipper on her jacket and now she can't facinate.

Teacher: (Sigh) Oh brother! Freddy, what the opposite of sad?

Freddy: Happy

Teacher: What is the opposite of cold.

Freddy: Hot

Teacher: Right again! What is the opposite of woe?

Freddy: Giddiap.

Teacher: Ok! OK! Lori, give me the definition of sawdust.

Lori: (Not sure) um...it's the past tence of see dust?

Teacher: (Sigh) Can anyone tell me what a grudge is?

Larry: A grudge is a place to put cars in.

Teacher: Yes Larry (sigh)

Larry: Oh, ya know what Miss Peters?

Teacher: What Larry?

Larry: My dog Peppy can count. I asked him what 2 - 2 is and he said nothing.

Dora and Lori: At least he's smarter than you are

Larry: Oh! In your pocket with an electric socket.

Teacher: Remember, you come to learn, not to fight.

Freddy: So that's why we're here.

Teacher: Yes Fredrick! That's why you are here. Nellie, what is usually used as a conductor of electricity?

Nellie: Why - eeeer...

Teacher: Right, wire. Now what is the unit of electrical power?

Nellie: The whatt?

Teacher: Correct, the watt, and now Stanley, why do they name hericanes after girls?

Stanley: Well, have you ever heard of a himacane?

Teacher: Guess not? (Bell rings) Class dismissed

All students: Yeah!

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Category: Ramble

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