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A lesson in jazz fusion

The wackiest things can happen in the music biz. What’s even wackier is that after a while you don’t even notice it. You take strange inconsistencies for granted when dealing with the Taiwan entertainment industry.

Here's a typical example of some strange inconsistencies which are happening right now as this column goes to print. I'll change the names so no one tries to sue me.

Jason Chung, a well-known local classical musician, calls and invites me to be involved in a big jazz concert. "An extravaganza," he calls it, which will include several well known recording artists. Six in all, for a night of "hot jazz music."

A meeting time is set, and all of us show up to discuss the particulars. We are handed contracts and people begin too sign their name. Naturally, as a skeptical westerner, I question what it is that we're signing. (See past article, 11/20/97: "Contracts Annulled In The Gray World")

"Maybe you can tell us exactly what we're doing, before we sign?" I suggest. Enter a second person, who describes in vividly vague detail, using sign language and head movements, that a major musical production will take place, on par with the Grammy's, involving a total of six solo performers on a stage filled with a twenty-piece orchestra, a band, and musicians funneling out of the audience. In the end everyone will join together and jam in a "We Are The World" style finale.

We are all impressed with the grandness of the production, almost as much as his elaborate hand movements. It's a big show for sure, June 29th, Sun Yat Sen Memorial. Gosh, that’s just around the corner. People start to squirm, eyes dart back and forth around the room. Finally, I have to ask, "So can anyone here play jazz?"

A long silence. "Well, that's why we asked you're here. We don’t really know anything about jazz. Can you suggest some songs for us to play in the concert?"

"You mean like jazz songs that will work with an orchestra?"

"That's right."

"And no one can play jazz?"

"Yes."

"And this is only a couple of weeks away?"

"Yes."

"I see," I say nodding my head in Zen like authority. (I learned this "I see" thing from the President of Sony Music in Japan. It is sufficiently clear, yet undeniably vague all at the same time, signifying neither my committal or noncommittal to the situation.) "So what's the instrumentation?"

"One oboe, two flutes, two pianists, and you."

"Ok. Let me see if I understand. We're having a big jazz concert in three weeks and thousands of people will be there. We’ll be backed by a twenty-piece string orchestra, and the headliners are all classical musicians who don’t play jazz, except for me. You haven't decided what the music will be yet, and you want me to suggest some songs that will work. Is that right?"

"Right."

"Hmmm. I see." (Now in my brain a little warning light is going off telling me that something is very wrong. I wonder what it is?)

Just then the main sponsor suddenly appears and greets us with a big smile. “So happy to see all of you here! I see everything is going along smoothly.” She smiles brightly at Jason. “We're an American company," she points out, "And jazz is very American, you know. I can’t wait to see the show!" I groan, and stare at my fingernails while Jason explains to her what a terrific program it will be, full of surprises and entertainment for all. He schmoozes her like a Cuban cigar, and I start to feel a little upset because it’s obvious we've all been had. We’ve just fallen for the old ask-the-sponsor-to-arrive-while-everyone-is-there-so-that-it-looks-like-it’s-a-really-organized-project trick. This happens a lot in the music business. No one knows what’s going on, but can always arrange for the sponsor to arrive at the right time.

She takes a tape out of her bag and plays us the radio commercial that has just begun airing. "Hot Jazz! Cool nights! Featuring..." and my name is blurted out first. I groan again.

After the sponsor leaves, Jason and his crew jump back into reality mode. "So can you give us a list of jazz songs?" they ask.

“Sure, but I think you’re gonna need more than a list.”

PS: Curious what happens? So am I. See you there, June 29th. Sun Yat Sen Memorial.

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