Words » In Tune
In search of the perfect smirk
The entertainment business is a people business. You meet lots and lots of people. You collect name cards. You exchange phone numbers. You keep in touch. It’s a happy business. People going from meeting to meeting, from café to restaurant, getting out of taxis, tossing their hair in the breeze. Everyone is so happy. Everyone is always smiling. Well, sort of smiling. Actually it’s more like a smirk. A good smirk combined with a bit of styling, and you have the necessary combination to make it big in the hit and run culture of Taiwan’s glamour biz.
You can usually tell how successful people are by their smirk quotient. Sometimes smirks and smiles are hard to differentiate. Most long term players like myself have spent a lot of time trying to master the art. It’s not easy. Hours of concentrated effort, years of TV programs, hundreds of meetings with producers. For what it’s worth, I’ve been working on my smirk since 1988. For some it just comes naturally. Back up a good smirk with a little talent, and you have a rising pop star.
The next time you are out smoking cigars and sipping Chateau Haut-Brion at one of Taipei’s premier industry hangs, see if you can spot the smirk in the smile. It takes a trained eye to see the difference.
The Smirk Quotient:
- The unsuccessful player is characterized by their show-lots-of-eyeball-white-whenever-you-meet-someone-who’s-more–famous-than-you smirk. This person is extremely friendly.
- The struggling middle-echelon player normally shows less eyeball and more teeth than their less successful counterpart. This person often has a worried “Oh no, am I oversmirking again?” expression on their face.
- The almost ready for prime time player tries to maintain a dignified smirk without showing too much teeth white or eyeball white. This smirk/grimace is sometimes accompanied by a nondescript bob of the head towards the receiving party.
- The blue bloods, or truly successful prime time players, show lots of perfect plastic teeth white in their smirk, which comes in a fast flash that is usually paired with a quick wave. They unconsciously migrate towards photographers whenever in a crowded room.
I was called in last week by my record company to discuss my smirk mannerisms. In a private conference room, the promotion team suggested that I vary my smirk, showing more teeth white, emulating the classic blue blood fast wave approach. “You’re not approachable enough,” they said. “You need to practice more.“
Annie, the head of the team, stood up and demonstrated. She opened her mouth, but just for a moment. The flash flew out and hit me right in the heart. She was good. She made me feel happy to be around her. She made me feel like I could get to know her better. Then she sat back down and scowled at me. “The next time you run into reporters or a TV camera, look them straight in the eye and give them the flash. It’ll help your sales.” I went home and practiced the flash.
A few weeks later, I was called in again by the promotion team. “We have been reviewing your TV tapes. For some reason you don’t seem natural. You seem very uncomfortable. Have you been practicing?” I showed them my flash. They evaluated me sternly for a few moments than said, “Well, maybe you should look more into the camera.”
More into the camera? It’s hard enough already trying to figure out which camera to even look. You are always watching for the little red light on top of the camera to go on.
If I wasn’t careful, I’d end up looking like Robocop jerking my head around.
I practiced smirking a lot during the next few days, and even went out at nights to all the cool places to get some real life practice. I was hanging out with the pros. I knew I was finally getting a handle on my smirk. I couldn’t wait to try it out on TV.
Another few weeks passed, and I was called in again by the promotion team. Annie was furious. “Did you see yourself last week on the Lobster Brothers’ Show? You looked like an idiot.” I didn’t feel too happy to be around her today. “What were you thinking?!”
“I was just doing what you told me to do.” I replied blankly.
“Well, you better stop it. It looks terrible.” She looked distraught. “Your figures are down. Can’t you be more relaxed? Why don’t you try to be yourself?”
“Hey, you know, that’s a terrific idea,” I said, and gave her a perfect Grade A smirk. “Why don’t I try that?”
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